


Last Resort

by sleepycap



Category: GOT7
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Religious Conflict, but not really, don't look too into it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7791673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepycap/pseuds/sleepycap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaebum doesn't believe in God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Resort

Jaebum doesn’t believe in God.

Jaebum believes in science and equations and logic. He believes in things he can touch and things he can see. But it’s hard not to have a twinge of faith when a life is on the line.

Jinyoung first collapsed in the middle of class. He tried to explain it away – say that he just stood up too fast.

“You were out for two hours.” Jaebum said through clenched teeth, glaring at the boy in the bed. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, saying that he was just too worried. Besides, they’d both been pulling all-nighters thanks to projects and tests. Due to Jinyoung’s persistence that he was fine, Jaebum dropped it.

It was when the snow began to stick to the ground in November that Jinyoung’s fever spiked and no matter what he did, Jaebum couldn’t get it to go back down. Doctors came and went and none had an explanation. Some said pneumonia, others said the flu. One told Jaebum to plan for the worst.

He was bedridden, unable to do much for himself. He couldn’t handle sitting up for too long. Bright light made his head hurt. All he could do was lie there and wait.

Jinyoung would smile and hold the older boy’s hand and Jaebum hated the contrast between their skin. The hand in his own was no longer warm and tan. It was cold, clammy. It was frail. Jinyoung was never frail. He spoke in loud tones and refused to be ignored. Now, he had to work hard just to ask for a glass of water.

“Stop frowning like that.” Jaebum looked up. Jinyoung was still in bed. It’s been a month.

“You’re going to get wrinkles. I don’t want people thinking I’m dating some old man.” He reached up to place his palm against the other’s cheek. Jaebum was so tired. He’d been doing nothing but reading and reading. Searching and imploring. He needed a cure. Some help. Anything to fix Jinyoung. If there was anyone in the world that didn’t deserve this, it was Jinyoung.

“You worry about the wrong things.” Jaebum murmured, his hand coming up to press against Jinyoung’s own. It was true. Jinyoung kept acting like he was fine. He kept telling Jaebum about all the things they’d do after the snow melted. Picnics, going back to school, going to the beach.

“We can go visit your parents. I’m sure they miss you.”

“You know they love you more than me.” Jaebum turned his hand to kiss at his hand. Jinyoung snickered and it while it sounded painful, neither could remember the last time he’d smiled so wide. So Jaebum just nodded and he kept a journal of things they would do later on. Every day, something new was added. Every day, the list contained more and more mundane tasks that Jinyoung longed to do.

It was the last day of December. Jinyoung wasn’t better.

“I don’t want to die.” It was the middle of the night and they had opened up the blinds on the window to watch the fireworks welcome in the new year. When Jaebum looked over, Jinyoung had tears in his eyes. He hadn’t cried once. Not when the doctors poked and stabbed him with needles. Not even when Jaebum had broken down after dressing him one morning.

He never cried.

Jaebum turned, scooting closer and kissing his forehead. “You won’t die.” He whispered. “Do you really think I’m going to let you leave me?”

“It’s not your decision anymore.”

Jaebum didn’t believe in God. But that night, after Jinyoung fell asleep, Jaebum went down on his knees. He bit his lip and wrung his hands, unsure of what to do. How do you start a conversation with the supposedly most powerful being there is?

 _Hi. My name is Im Jaebum. You probably knew that… Listen, I just…_ Jaebum clenched his hands together, bowing his head. _I just need You to listen to me. I need You to help him. If You’re real… if You’re up there… You won’t let this happen. Save him. Please._

Jaebum said a prayer every night. He begged and bargained. He promised and cried. For every breath Jinyoung took, he was grateful. He’d thank a God he wasn’t sure he really believed in.

It was on January 17th, 2017 that Jaebum knew God existed. And that he was a ruthless one.

Jinyoung died in his sleep. He didn’t wake. He wasn’t breathing. Jaebum screamed and cried, shaking the lifeless body. “You promised! You promised!” He held the body to his chest, sobbing so loudly that their neighbors called the authorities.

Jinyoung's body had simply shut down. It had been fighting for much too long. "It's amazing he was alive for so long." A doctor had said. 

What was Jaebum supposed to do now? They had journals filled with what they were going to do. Promises. The very last thing they’d written down was to go to the beach.

_“What could you possibly want to do there?” Jaebum had asked, laughing as he scribbled it down. When Jinyoung didn’t answer at first, he worried. “Jinyoung?”_

_“Make sure I’m cremated.” He whispered, turning to look at his lover. “And leave me there. And thank God for our time.” Jaebum had dropped his pen and crawled into bed. “You’re not leaving me.” He insisted, tugging a much too skinny body towards his own._

_“I told you, Bummie. It’s not your decision anymore.”_

Jaebum doesn’t believe in God. But for Jinyoung’s sake, he prays. He prays and prays and prays and hopes that if there is a God, He will accept Jinyoung in with loving arms. As he scattered the ashes over the ocean, he prayed.

_Just take care of him. I loved him. I love him._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i just got this idea today tbh? idk i have problems with religion so. also not beta'd. but if you'd like to beta, message me? idk. the sickness is similar to nagisa's from clannad in that there's no explanation, but it's the first time jinyoung's experienced it. anyways, hope you enjoyed it, bub! xoxo


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